savannahwoodard

I have to be honest. I have spent too much time in recent weeks hanging my head in discouragement. I have been overwhelmed by the problems I see and the problems I face. I have been busy, stressed, wishing for rest, and finding little.

I remember reading in the Old Testament about how God had set apart certain days of the year for the nation of Israel to all gather together to worship God. All the people would leave work or home to come and pray, worship, and celebrate what God had done. It was a time of reflection, rest and rejoicing.

Because God is so gracious and sees our very need, and because I go to this amazing school that loves to worship God, I got to have a day like this just last week. Our whole school, staff and students, left our work in the office and classroom. We gathered together to have  Day Set Apart for fasting, praying and worshipping God.

During some of our time, we were given a Bible passage to read, study, and reflect on. The passage was Revelation 1. If I’m honest, at first glance, this passage seemed pretty random and irrelevant. Boy was a wrong! I want to share with you what I learned from reading this. May it encourage you and inspire you to put your trust in Jesus:

[It might help to read Revelation 1 first]

What does God say about himself in this passage?

“Twice the Lord describes himself as the God WHO WAS, WHO IS, and WHO IS TO COME.

He is the “Alpha and Omega” (The Beginning and the End).

This shows God’s timeless presence, power, and rule over the universe.

He reigned in the past. He reigns now. He will reign in the future. He is the ruler from the beginning and will be until the end. He is the beginning and the end.

His reign and authority is constant, eternal, everlasting.

Then comes Jesus, who is described as,

the FAITHFUL WITNESS. That is, a witness to all of us of who God, the Father is and what He is like.

He is the FIRSTBORN FROM THE DEAD. Jesus is the first person raised from the dead and is now alive forever.

He is the RULER OF ALL THE KINGS OF THE EARTH. He reigns over all things. He is even king over all the kings over all the earth! He is the ultimate authority and ruler.

He LOVES US. Passionately loves us.

He FREED US FROM OUR SINS BY HIS BLOOD. He sacrificed Himself to save us, His people.

In order to MAKE US A KINGDOM AND PRIESTS. Why? To serve God, the Father.

After setting us free from the reign of sin and self, Jesus has established us as people under His authority, in His kingdom, that we might serve Him as our King.

He is the FIRST AND THE LAST. He is from the beginning and will be until the end. He holds all existence in His power, dominion, authority, and control.

He is the LIVING ONE who is fully alive, active, and well and will be forever. He was ONCE DEAD, but is NOW ALIVE FOREVER.

He is fully able, strong, complete, mighty, and powerful to reign.

HE HOLDS THE KEYS OF DEATH AND HADES. He has authority over all things, even death and hell are at his disposal.

He can snatch us from hell, or sentence us there. He can condemn to die or raise to life because He holds the access and power over all. ”

Revelation was written to churches that were living in the midst of pain, suffering, violence and rampant persecution.

This was God’s message to his hurting people:

God has not lost His grip on things. He has not lost His control over the situation.

He is reigning. He is powerful. He is able. And all things are in His hands.

Rest assured, we can trust Him.

So last week I turned 18, and to celebrate, I decided to do the most 18-year-old-ish thing I could think of at the time and so I grabbed an R-rated movie to watch. (This wasn’t technically my first R-rated movie but it felt sort of special because I got to watch it on my own without having to ask anybody). Anyways, I decided to watch “The Passion of the Christ” because I’d never seen it before but I’ve always wanted to, and I thought I would just share my response/ the conversation I had with God about it afterward.

I got up this morning and went down into the basement storage room of the girls dorm (which I frequently use as my quiet space to spend time with God), and I sat down because I wanted to talk to God about this movie. What was sort of haunting me about this movie was not what I had watched, but my response to it. All I can remember thinking as I watched the portrayal of Jesus as He dragged himself toward the cross was “Ew, that’s God?” I felt kind of heartless because everybody else who has seen this movie told me it was so powerful and that it really moved their hearts, some to the point of weeping. But I didn’t really cry that much. Rather than emotional compassion and feeling amazed at how much God loves me, I was honestly just filled with disgust.

So I went before God and I basically said this: “There’s no way I’m worth that. God, you must be out of your mind.”

Nobody could possibly be worth that. Not me, not anyone. He should have destroyed us all. He certainly would have been right in doing so. And instead we see this depiction of Jesus-the very one and only Son of God, God himself, the One who made all the earth, dragging his half dead body in the dirt and spitting up blood like a baby, and clinging to the people around him because he can’t even stand up on his own. And we spit in his face! And we laughed at him like it was all some really stupid joke or something. And who got to go free while Jesus was beaten to a pulp out there? Some toothless murderer! Us!

I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. We’re not worth that. Yet I refuse to believe that God is a fool. There is no way He would give all this and go through all this, for nothing. I know that’s not how He works because He wastes nothing and does nothing in vain. He would never let this happen unless He had some profound motive for it.

I had to ask myself the question, so what are we worth to God? That is such a huge question, one I don’t believe our tiny human minds can ever really catch hold of the answer to. But God does answer this question for us, and He explains it in as many ways as we could possibly understand:

He tells us He is a father, and we are His own children, His sons and His daughters

that He is a husband, and we are His beautiful bride

He is a teacher, and we are His favorite students

He is a Lord, and we are His beloved servants

He is the artist, the potter, and we are His clay, His hand-crafted work of art

He is a shepherd, and we are His precious sheep

He is a king, and we are His glorious treasure

The list goes on and on.

All over the Bible are these descriptions and analogies that clearly say to God we are worth something, to Him. And it is in the cross that we find just how much we are worth to God. Oh He must love us with the craziest, most radical, most loyal, most deep and immense love we would ever even imagine!!

I can still see in my mind that picture of Jesus crawling through the dirt and covered in blood. And I can hear God say, “Yes, to Me, you’re worth even that.”

So let’s just pray that we would have the power, together, with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses all knowledge-that we may be filled with the full measure of all the fullness of God. And let’s worship this God who can do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine and just praise him “to you, Jesus, be the glory forever and ever amen!” (Ephesians 3:-21)

Thank You, Jesus!

Tonight, I am filled with joy. These last few weeks have been extremely challenging. It has been emotionally draining, mentally exhausting and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten less sleep in my whole life! Needless to say, college life has been a little rough (and not to mention very very busy, which would be the reason it took me so long to write this). If it’s been so hard, though, why am I filled with joy tonight? Because it has been so good! Because my God is so good and even though He uses painful things to work in my life, it’s all worth it because in the end, He’s still good and He loves me!

I’ll be super honest and just say I have absolutely no idea how to say all that I want to share with guys. I have learned so much from being here and it has nothing to do with the classes or the curriculum. I believe God brought me here for a lot of different reasons and I really just want to share with you guys some of the things on my heart since I came here. So here are some of my thoughts/ things I have been dealing with:

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“God doesn’t love me. And if there’s nothing I can do to make Him love me, then I don’t want to live anymore.”

Two weeks into my time at BGU and that’s where I was. I had struggled for years with this issue of endlessly trying to earn God’s love. I had convinced myself that there was no way in the whole world that I could be loved by God, and yet somehow I knew that was the only thing worth living for. So I worked my butt off trying to earn the love and approval I desperately wanted. It was useless though. All my “good deeds” were just filthy rags. God didn’t want my piled up accomplishments and activities, even though I was doing it all for Him. When I arrived at BGU, my world came crashing down. I came to realize that while on the outside, I looked like such an obedient Christian, really in my heart, I had decided that if I couldn’t live to earn God’s love, then I must get that love somewhere else. So I decided in my heart to live for self-approval, and with my high standards, that was really hard. I got stuck in an endless cycle of pride and self-pity and when I came to BGU, I came as a person who thought she was “all out” for Jesus, but was really just living for herself. My identity was wrapped up in my ability to perform well in life, and it was a shaky foundation to live upon. I had completely forgotten about having a relationship with God, and to be honest, I didn’t want one with him because of who I thought God was – distant, demanding and unloving. Yet all around me there were these people who were sold out for Jesus. I saw that everyone around me had such a deep passion and love and great joy. I started to get frustrated because I wanted what they had and felt like I just couldn’t get it. I started crying out to God, begging Him to give me an answer to my questions of “how can I be happy like they are?” “What do they have that I don’t?”, “God, what do you want me to do?!”

This was His response: Remain in me. Stop doing, and just be. Remain in me. It’s a verse in the Bible. In John 15:4. It’s what Jesus says to His disciples not long before He gets crucified. And I heard it everywhere. The professors would quote it in class, the speaker would bring it up during chapel, it would pop up in the devotional books I was reading. Sometimes when I would just grab my Bible and pray “God speak to me” I would get this urge to go to John 15 and lo and behold, there it was: Remain in me. I heard it a million times in the course of those first few weeks, but I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. God must have wanted me to understand though, so He soon made it clear: don’t go away from Me. Stay with Me. Stop doing things to try and earn My love. I already love you more than you can understand, now just stop, and be with Me.

                  He loves me. He wants to be with me. God, who is perfect, says “I love you” to me? A nasty, selfish and just a total broken mess of a person? God, who owns everything from the Milky Way to dust bunnies under your bed, says “I want you??” This is the most profound thing I have ever heard or known! And yet, I think I really believe it. Yes, is it going to take time to heal the wounds of the past few years? Of course it will. And will there be days where I doubt God’s love for me and begin to wander back into my old ways? Absolutely, in fact, it is a daily battle I must fight. But in the end, I come to the conclusion that if, after all this time, God never gave up on me, not once; if He was willing to give up his very heart, His very Son, Jesus for me, then God must love me with a radical, unquenchable love that will never go away no matter what I do, no matter what happens. This is the great love that I want in my life and this is the God I want to live my life for. I want Jesus.

Once I rediscovered that God loves me and that He wants a relationship with me, I began to search out what that relationship would look like. I started asking the question: How does a person spend time with God? Relationships require that the people in the relationship spend time with each other, so…I need to spend time with God. So what? I just like, read my Bible and pray and stuff? Well yes, these are good things. Something I realized about myself though is that I came up with this idea that God is spiritual and so the only things He really cares about are spiritual/religious things (like reading the Bible, praying, going to church and so on). I figured He didn’t really understand or care about simple human things like going on walks, painting, or grocery shopping. My idea, then, about spending time with God was very limited. I mean if the only time God was really with me was when I was reading my Bible or praying, then I wasn’t going to be able to spend a lot of time with Him. Yet, I had the wrong idea, because the truth is, God does care about our everyday “human” activities. After all, He’s the one who made us human in the first place.

I love what my Lifegroup leader said to me when I was discussing this with her. She said you don’t always have to be doing something religious to spend time with God. Sometimes it’s nice to just do something you like to do (like painting or jogging or something like that) and just invite God to be with you while you do it. At first I thought this sounded a little odd, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says “whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” What could bring more glory to God than knowing His heart through spending time with Him? After all, it’s when we know His heart that we start living our lives differently-devoted to Him. That’s when He is glorified. And this verse says everything. So why not spend time with God when you’re washing the dishes? Isn’t this what children do with their earthly fathers? I know that sometimes, I just like having my dad sit with me while I fold my laundry or do my homework. Sometimes we talk. Other times though it’s just nice to have him there with me. The Bible says God is our Father, so why do we not do this with Him? I’ll be the first to say it’s sort of an awkward experience if you have never just invited God to come spend time with you. You may not feel like anything is really happening or it may seem silly. The idea, though, is that whatever you are doing, God wants to be a part of it. He wants to be there, He wants to have a say, and most importantly, He wants us to be the ones to invite Him into our lives. Jesus didn’t tell people “Get ready! I am coming into your house now!” No, he said “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person and they with me” (Revelation 3:20). God is standing at the door waiting for our invitation for Him to come in. He won’t force Himself on us, we have to let Him in. And the best way to start is to simply say, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, “Jesus just come be with me in this right now”, and He comes. It’s kind of crazy, but I have been trying to do this the last few weeks-just stop and ask God to come be with me, and it has been so good! God really does come when you ask Him. I don’t always feel super “spiritual” or have these amazing revelations or anything, but I certainly do feel God’s presence and I do experience His peace in those moments and sometimes God will just bring things into my mind or heart and speak to me that way. It’s really amazing, especially when you think “this is God, and he is with me right now!”

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Well that’s all I have for now! (sorry it was so long!!) Thanks to anyone who is reading this and for your support and for your prayers!

Here are just some things you can pray for:

~homesickness (this has been a huge struggle for me and something I deal with almost every day so I would very much appreciate prayers for this!)

~ strength/endurance in my studies as well as my walk with Jesus. This school is very intense in the topics we discuss and the workload can become very stressful at times. Also God has really been breaking down/ tearing apart certain areas of my life (all to bring healing and build my faith), but that is something that can be really challenging and exhausting.

~to build good relationships with people/ make friends

Again, thanks so much!! I love you guys!!

Savannah

Sometimes I think I am way in over my head. I will be completely honest with you all. I had never planned to graduate high school a year early and I especially did not plan on going straight to college afterward. So why am I doing this? Sometimes I wonder the same thing. I like to tell myself this is the natural order of things-the birds have to get kicked out of the nest eventually if they ever want to go anywhere. But I just can’t help but feel like this is more than that. In reality, this is really not my idea.

There is a certain kind of people that I love reading about in the Bible. They aren’t the people like Moses, who, when God comes to him in a burning bush and says, “Go deliver my people”, replies to God “you want me to do what?!” Are you sure I’m the right guy? I mean I’m not really cut out for this am I? Please send someone else. This response to God’s calling is too much like my own response to God at times.

No, the people that I love are the people like Samuel. When God called out to Samuel, he responded with a simple “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” He was first of all, willing to hear whatever it was God wanted him to do, and better yet, he went and did it. Now sure, Samuel was afraid, the Bible says so itself. God had asked him to do something I think Samuel probably wasn’t super excited about doing, but nevertheless, he went ahead and did it.

I feel a bit like Samuel. I’m afraid. And sometimes I am not always excited about the things God asks me to do. For those of you who know me, you know I am passionate about missions. You could say that I get excited about missions things. It’s true, God has laid missions on my heart and has made me very passionate about it. But God has also allowed me to have a taste of mission work in my life, and I have come to realize that I don’t always enjoy everything that it entails. And so, when God asks me to leave my happy home in Quincy a year early to join this mission training program at Bethany, I get scared. I don’t want to leave my family, my friends. And the thought that in two years I will head off on my 16-month global internship, though it does excite me at times, at other times is makes me anxious to the point where I am wondering how I got myself into this mess.

And yet, Samuel did what God had asked him to do, despite his fears or other concerns, because he knew God. He knew God was good. He knew God was loving. And he knew that God was in control and that if he, Samuel, only followed His lead, then everything would be okay. It may not be easy. It would be uncomfortable, frustrating, confusing at times. But Samuel let go of all these other things and grabbed hold of God. And so, I will say the same. I know God. I know Jesus. I know that Jesus is good. I know that Jesus is loving. I trust that Jesus is in control and that if I simply follow His lead, then everything will be okay. Yes, it will be hard. Awkward. Painful. Frustrating. Like Samuel, though, I will do what He tells me. I will go where He leads. And I hope and pray that as I move along in this journey, that I am constantly willing to say “speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” I pray that I can let go of whatever fears or concerns I may have, and simply grab hold of Jesus.